How to Be a Good Girlfriend

Being a good girlfriend can be tricky, especially at the beginning of a relationship. But whether you and your new boyfriend are still feeling each other out, or if you're approaching your five-year anniversary, there are still a number of tips to follow if you want to be a good girlfriend and to make your relationship thrive. To be a good girlfriend, you have to be loving and supportive while maintaining your independence. If you want to know how to do it, just follow these steps!

Method 1 of 3: Be Open

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   Don't be too open at first. Easing into a relationship is about ensuring that there is plenty of space for the two of you to get to know one another and trust that you're right for one another. If you try too soon to "make" something more out of your relationship than it already is, premature pushiness can scare him away and spoil what is 'there' to be a good thing. Instead, be patient and realize that it takes time to nurture a solid and enduring relationship. If you want to make it last, avoid the following things:
   • Don't push him to call you his girlfriend after a couple of dates; this risks causing him to feel that the decision wasn't his own. Be patient and let him make up his own mind as to when the word slips out. If you're compatible, it'll happen soon enough.
   • Don't start talking about marriage and children before you've even met his friends or parents. Raising such issues prematurely can create tension from the outset and may stall or even bring to an end an otherwise productive and caring relationship.
   • While they say a way to a man's heart is through his stomach, this doesn't mean cooking him a three-course meal on the first date. You don't need to prove anything like this; you simply need to be present and engaged in listening, being attentive and sharing your interests.
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   Be honest. While being honest to your guy is very important, to the point of being paramount, it is equally important that you are honest with yourself. If you overreact or make a mistake, you can acknowledge your error and apologize. If you're feeling vulnerable or upset, you can sort through your feelings and verbalize them to himin a non-accusing way.
   • And the most important thing here is that you will be open about your feelings as much as possible. For example, if he does or says something that bothers you, be open about how it impacts you, without being accusing or asking him to change.
   • If you establish solid lines of communication from the outset, you'll know sooner rather than later whether this relationship will endure or fizzle out.
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   Speak your mind. Don't be afraid to make your desires, needs, and opinions known, even when they may conflict with his. You don't and shouldn't exist solely to please him. Besides, showing that you are your own person with your own needs, desires, and approach to life will keep him interested in getting to know and understand you as a person. If you're comfortable with speaking your mind, then he'll be comfortable with speaking his mind, too.
   • Just remember to express yourself in way that doesn't attack anyone else's opinion or lifestyle in any way––you can be humble and outspoken at the same time by using assertiveness strategies and remaining considerate of his feelings too.
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   Be yourself. Don't create a fake you just to impress him. It might be tempting if you think he'd prefer a different type of girl but usually this is just cobbling together snippets of things said or suggested and you're likely to be wrong. After all, he wants to date you, not some imagined form of perfection. And if you really feel tempted to change things about yourself because he insists that you'd be better thinner, taller, prettier, quieter, whatever, then it's a good indication that you're not compatible.
   • If he actually says such things to you in a badgering, persistent manner, then it is not love, but an attempt to control you.
   • Don't pretend that you share his interests if you don't. It might be amusing or "safe" to do so initially but it's extremely hurtful when he learns that you don't really love what he loves; he could be basing his thoughts about your role in his future on something that isn't real and it'll end up hurting both of you.

Method 2 of 3: Be Supportive

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   Take an interest in his interests. Remember what he likes to do and what he likes to talk about. You don't have to act like you love his hobbies, but at least try to understand why he's such a fan. If he loves a band, try to understand why. If he just loves to be playful and immature, remember that it might just be his way of releasing stress. In learning to accept his unique way of being, you'll also be learning more about yourself and ultimately whether you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with this person.
   • You don't have to take an interest in all of his interests. If he loves watching baseball but you just can't get into it, that's fine, too.
   • Just asking about his interests and talking about the things that matter to him can be enough.
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   Learn to work as a team. As in any healthy relationship, you'll experience your share of conflicts, some tiny, some big. Remember to be true to yourself and try to abandon any significant selfishness. A relationship is a matter of teamwork and a symbiotic relationship, not a parasitic one, where a party gives and the other one just takes without giving enough back. In a team, you have each other's back, you don't undermine one another and you openly cherish each other in front of others.
   • In times of hardship, a team approach can help you to work through problems in a less emotionally attached way, in that both of you assume responsibilities for fixing things rather than expecting one or the other to fix things.
   • Avoid having a "one track" relationship in which the bond revolves around one thing. Keep your relationship strong by bringing variety and diversity into the relationship. Try different and new things together. Relationships are about having fun together, learning together and growing together.
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   Compliment him more than you criticize him. If everything you say around him is a criticism or an attack, he won't look forward to seeing you and he'll start reconsidering being with you. All the same, you don't always have to agree with him just because he is your boyfriend. Tactfulness is a better strategy in mature relationships and establishing boundaries and making compromises are important relationship strategies to learn and adopt.
   • Though you can bring up a valid criticism when it feels right, you should say at least four positive things about him for every negative thing you say.
   • Don't nag him just because you're in a bad mood or things aren't going perfectly.
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   Learn to compromise. If you want to be a good girlfriend, then you have to learn to compromise instead of fighting or being angry the second you don't get your way. To compromise well, you both have to be able to calmly and rationally discuss a situation while understanding the other person's perspective. Try to understand where your boyfriend is coming from instead of blindly focusing on what you think you need.
   • You don't want to be that girl who always gets her way just because your boyfriend would rather give in than stand his ground because you get so angry and upset whenever things don't go your way.
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   Give each other space. You should support your boyfriend, but you should also be able to "be there" for him in spirit when you're not actually around. If you want to be a good girlfriend, then you have to make time to do your own thing, to hang out with your girlfriends, and to see your boyfriend. He should know that you're thinking of him and rooting for him even if you're not around. If you feel insecure and doubt the strength of your relationship the second you're apart, then you have a problem.
   • You should support your man if he just wants to have a night out with his boys instead of trying to hang out at a "boys only" event. You don't want your boyfriend to get a reputation for being that guy who is so whipped that he has to bring his girlfriend everywhere.
   • If you feel entitled to all of his time and attention, learn how to not be an obsessive girlfriend. Don't be an overly protective girlfriend; let him go out without him feeling watched.
   • Remember that he doesn't need you for everything and that you are separate people as well as a couple. When he needs some space, don't take it personally––recognize it for what it is––his time to rejuvenate and to share different interests with others. But do make sure he knows that you're always there for him.

Method 3 of 3: Be Loving

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   Be affectionate. There are various ways to show your affection; some are more obvious than others and the way you approach this will depend on how openly affectionate you like to be personally. Affection is close to but not the same as intimacy––affection is about openly displaying that you care about this person and can be shown any time of day or night, publicly or privately. Think about how you like to show affection to people you care about, such as holding hands, touching an arm, quick kisses on the cheek, a hug, stroking hair, supportive words, mentioning how great someone is in front of other people, etc.
   • Men sometimes like it when a girl gives them a pet name like "Baby" or "Sweetheart." Try not to overdo this, however. It can be a major turn-off if you call them "Mr. Cuddle-Bear", especially in public. Of all things, good communication is the vital part of any relationship, so make sure that he knows how much you like him.
   • Regular lovey-dovey texts and emails can be a plus, but too many will become overwhelming and you may seem clingy. These types of things do show you're into him, and you want it to last forever, but don't come on so much that you scare him!
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   Be seductive. Don't be afraid to be seductive. Most men find it irresistible when a girl is sexy, classy and confident. Confidence means being happy within your own skin; you will exude this without trying if you are accepting of yourself and feel secure about your own worth. You don't have to force yourself to be the most popular, bubbly personality if that isn't your style; rather, be the best you on show by taking good care of yourself and trusting that you're worth his attention.
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   Give him gifts. When you're in a relationship, it's fun to give each other small gifts. Guys love to get presents and giving him one shows that he means a lot to you. Don't overdo it -- just give him a gift when you're feeling loving and want to let him know how much he means to you. You don't want him to think you're trying to buy his affection.
   • Make him something. A paper flower, an artsy heart, something creative that reflects your personality, so that whenever he looks at it, he'll think of you andsmile. If you're the musical type, or play an instrument, feel free to play him a song or two (bonus points if you play a song you wrote yourself). Add a private video of your song to YouTube.
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   Don't get jealous. You should be loving, but not to the point where you start seeing red the second your boyfriend talks to, or even just mentions, another girl. Nothing will turn your boyfriend off faster than a girlfriend who is so insecure that she can't stand the thought of other women existing in the universe. Your boyfriend will appreciate you even more if you're nice to his female friends instead of talking about how ugly or annoying any girl you see is.
   • If he's out with his friends, don't text him every two seconds to make sure he's not talking to other girls. This will only make him see how little you trust him.